4 Trail Beards You’ll Want to Fondle

By Ethan Brown

beardeityA beard in the ultra world is an authoritative tool utilized by many. It’s almost like the thought of running an ultra can spur the body into instantaneous facial hair growth so potently powerful that any woman within a five-mile radius will experience quivering ovaries.

On the pro level, the bearded champions tower over the “lesser beings,” or clean shaven winners, like a Kodiak grizzly bear over a sickly deer.

Here are some beardeities to worship this month:

1. Anton Krupicka

Anton Krupicka has one of the most widely known beards in the elite group. His face fur is primal with a slight hint of maintenance that says, “Hey, don’t let this iconic dude-growth distract you, my eyes are up here.” Tonybeard could terrify the soul of a rabid mountain lion.

2. Rob Krar

Another beard with the power to sway the masses belongs to the artist known as Rob Krar. Rob’s cheek forest is as pure as nature itself: gentle locks that sway back and forth in a compassionate mountain breeze and secretly possess the power to erupt into a blast of pure, unadulterated, testosterone-filled, savageness. When Rob goes fishing he doesn’t need a net, but simply dips his beard into the water to catch fish.

  1. Dominic Grossman

On the west coast, runners are under the spell of a mandible pelt of unimaginable viciousness. Dominic Grossman is an effervescent face magician. One minute he’s rocking a beard GQ-worthy and the next he’s got a mustache that would automatically make him a wild-west town sheriff. His well maintained dude growth is so fantastic one could confuse it with a pristine putting green.

  1. Graham Kelly

Another man possessing the raw sexuality to swoon a great white shark is Graham Kelly. Graham’s chin kilt is such a masterpiece; the Mona Lisa frowns in jealousy. Fueled by moisture of the Scottish highlands and whiskey distilled from the sweat of day laborers, this growth infiltrates our very spirit to soothe our fears and calm our minds.

The firm roots of facial hair seem to interweave with a person’s soul and to not only inspire brilliance in every aspect of the word, but also push these athletes to complete badassery.

Happy Movember.

You May Also Enjoy:

7 Reasons You Think You Can’t Run an Ultramarathon (When You Can)

How a Road Runner Learned to Stop Fearing Snakes and Embrace the Trail

How Taking a GPS is Like Taking a Lover

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Check out my book: The Summit Seeker

Stay tuned for my next book: Daughters of Distance