Ba-humbug.

Last week I was all excited and loving winter and first snowfalls and Christmas is coming, yadda yadda. But over the past few days as the temperature keeps dropping and wind keeps rising, I’m finding my enthusiasm is starting to slip for several reasons:

1. My VFFs are failing me. They always get wet almost immediately, as soon as I step outside and my piggies don’t appreciate being separated. It’s cold to the point that it affects my speed and my form, and I don’t like it. When I first got my VFFs I imagined that they would last me all winter. Now it’s apparent that they may very soon be completely useless. This is annoying because frankly – I’m not thrilled about spending any MORE money on minimalist shoes. And I’m not creative or motivated enough to build my own footwear like some of my genius friends. I’m more likely to just dig around for my old running shoes, and throw those on again.

I had recently bought new running shoes when I also decided to go minimal. Then I bought the VFFs. Then it was injinji socks. And now it seems I’m going to need something new every time the freaking temperature drops, and it’s hard for me to understand why going “barefoot” should be more expensive than wearing shoes.

2. It’s cold. Really really really cold. And I haven’t decided yet what to do about it. Wear more layers (I’m already up to four). Suck it up and run on a treadmill (treadmills make my soul cry). Find an indoor track (the one near me won’t let me go barefoot). Start going to the gym/cross training more (and forget about my mileage goal for December). Either way, it feels like I’m going to have to compromise something, which I hate to do.

3. I have crap on my mind. Personal stuff. Emma has gone into a fairly hardcore treatment place, which means I won’t see her for Christmas. Truly, that makes me sad. I know it’s better for her in the long run, but I miss her already. What is Christmas going to be like without my sister?

I’ve been trying to shake it off but I think that what I really need is a couple days to just mourn her absence and allow myself to feel sad. I’m not sure when I’ll see her again, but it could be months. Or more.

She was forced into treatment and she’s very belligerent right now, which means she won’t make any improvements until she starts actually trying. She was deemed a threat to herself and she has been on more drugs that I’ve even heard of. A few days ago she was so uncontrollable that they had to sedate her. Just a rough week all around.

So in that sense, I feel that I need to be running. It’s one of the few things that relieves this type of stress for me. But the weather is frustrating. And my VFFs are pissing me off.

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